if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
