I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
