I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
