john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
NoShamevember. You game?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
