I am full of burrito and curiosity
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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