he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
