She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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