We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
