My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
