Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
