Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
