I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Mom said you looked used
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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