I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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