Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
