Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
