is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
