please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
