have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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