I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
