So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
