He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
