i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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