I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
