Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
