They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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