that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
