Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
