I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
