Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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