Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
