wat bout pragnant strippers??
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
