I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
