girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
