the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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