nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Define "chronic" masturbator.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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