everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
