I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
