He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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