i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
