if i can run in heels then i can drive
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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