jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
