Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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