i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
