my vag is so smooth its legendary
Princesses don't give blow jobs
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
