The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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