Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
