Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
