She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
