I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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