Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
