i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
