i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
