dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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