She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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