operation have a gay friend backfired
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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