waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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